Step four

Matthew 18:17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.

Has anyone ever told you what you’re doing wrong? It doesn’t make you feel good, does it? I’m sure it didn’t make you want to listen to them more. It probably made you want to listen to them less. 

We, Christians, though made new in Christ, are still subject to fall into sin from time to time. As brethren, we’re called to love one another. In some cases this love may involve telling someone that they’ve done something wrong against us. Christ spoke of this very thing and He gave very specific instructions for us to follow.

Step one: the fellow Christian must have sinned against you personally (Matthew 18:15). Jesus wasn’t giving blanket authority to believers to go around pointing out each other’s faults. He was making a statement that people are people and they’re going to hurt each other. When someone specifically hurts you or directly wrongs you, it’s okay to go and tell them.

Step two: if he or she won’t listen, get a friend or two to go with you and talk it out. This isn’t so that you can attack the person from all sides, but so that you can have witnesses to the encounter. If step one didn’t work, move to step two. To dispel rumors or gossip, bring a witness so that no false accusations can be made.

Step three: tell the church. If step one and two fail, tell the church. I don’t think Jesus meant the whole church body, but rather the governing body of the church. Remember, He was talking to the Jewish people at this time, and the elders of the church had a council of judges. I think Jesus was saying, “Bring it before the elder board.”

In each case, Jesus provides yet another step to resolve the conflict in a human manner. Finally, however, if the person simply will not listen, Jesus gives the final step.

Step four: let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. In our language today: a non-Christian. This, I think, is the most important step of all. In fact, I would say, you may want to skip steps one through three and go immediately to step four when someone sins against you!

We most often take this to mean we should disassociate with the person. We infer from Jesus’ words that we should no longer have a friendship or relationship with this person. But I read it differently. How do we treat non-Christians? With grace and forgiveness, right?

Perhaps what Jesus was saying was this: “When a brother or sister sins against you, there’s a good chance that they’re not going to want to hear what they’ve done wrong. Oh, you can try to tell them if you feel compelled, but they’re probably not going to listen to you. So, here’s an option; treat them like they weren’t a brother or sister. Treat them as though they’d never met Me. Begin, again, to extend to them the grace that I have so freely offered to you. Forgive them as I have forgiven you: freely.”

Jesus gave us four steps to deal with a fellow believer who has sinned against us, but we really only need the last one. Christ made it personal because He is a personal Savior. The end motive to all that Christ said is this: point them back to Me!